Changeable I Am

Changeable I am
and Multiple I feel
When happy is tangible
I think I'm real
But then sadness descends
and I follow it down
The smile might remain
instead of a frown
Yes, the face may not change
But my names may not be
The same in my head
As what you can see
For Changeable I am
and Multiple I feel

Time Together and Time Alone

Long weekend - sort of. I was off Friday and Saturday, worked Sunday, and I'm off today. It's a holiday weekend, also our twelfth wedding anniversary. Since I would be working on our actual anniversary, we celebrated on Friday with dinner out at Guiseppe's and a movie - X3 - which was very good. Saturday morning we watched the final episode of LOST... Summary: Some answers, more questions . After church we went to the Sawyers for Wallace and Grommit and a surprisingly fun game of Croquet. That game is addictive. Must be the Irish/English blood in me... But wait - isn't that a French name? Ah, whatever.

I spent Sunday afternoon on my own - the family went up to Maysville for Granny's b-day celebration and will be back later tonight. I got to enjoy some of my favorite places and discovered a new spot... I walked at Spring Cove and the Capitol, and finally went over to the Wetlands Nature Reserve. I listened to the iPod while walking - I'm really digging The Violet Burning (I See Stars) and Pedro the Lion (The Secret of the Easy Yoke). Here's some stuff I wrote during my wandering... stop reading now if you don't know what to do with my poetry.



On the Fallen:
The mighty trees have fallen, up-ended
By a little wind and their own weight.
They stood, majestic, green-crested in the moment;
They lie, pathetic, moss-encrusted and splintered
Worm ridden, unfit even for burning, they rot away.
Do I stand as one of these fallen sentinels once did?
Beautiful, tall, and temporary as a breath?
Lord, save me from me. Uproot and sever me
from weak, sickly roots - graft me as a mere branch,
quickened by You alone.




Where am I?
Walking among slender, straight trees, white snow swirls around my feet; purple butterflies frolic and weave about... is this Heaven? The shafts of sunlight catch the slow-motion descent of a million tiny feathers, each carrying a single seed. From where do they fly? And where am I?

I can quit any time.

Ok. I know that's what addicts tend to say when they try to justify their "problem". So maybe I'm addicted. I bought a pound of Starbuck's featured Brazilian coffee the other night and it's A - mazing. Pronounce that with a long "A" sound, because it's not just plain amazing, it's A - mazing. I don't think at this point that I really can quit any time - mostly because I don't want to...

...before sunrise

Brillant moon and insistent star
hold their places steadily
As their final hour wanes
Against a sky of midnight blue.
Persistent are you, moon;
Fading are you, chasing star,
As the spinning earth
Discovers a brightening hue.
Pale, oh, diminish and die
in the presence
of a greater Light.

Yesterday

Esther staying with Nana. Great night of sleep. Crummy run. Quick shower. Get moving. Wake MC. Eat donuts. Laugh. Get dressed. Take meds. Hurry to school for the field trip. Wait 50 minutes for the afternoon class to arrive. Watch them get on the bus. Go get Coffee!! Talk with Sara on the way. Laugh with Sara on the way. We beat the bus. Walk down the hill to meet the bus. Kids pile onto the wagon. Tractor can't pull the all. Walk up the hill again. Play. Paint. Bubbles. Hunger. It's only 10:30!! Potty break. Play. Hay ride! Cows freaking out. Talked with John. Get back to the farm house. Eat hotdog. Eat Mary Caite's hotdog. Eat ANOTHER hotdog. (Refer back to 10:30) Scavenger hunt. Ice cream sundaes! Drive to Frankfort. NAP. Play. Swingset. Stories about superheroes. Surf the web. Run out for Chicken. Talk with two deli employees. Both of our days are better for the exchange of a few words. "Jesus in New Orleans" finds a new meaning. Someone nearly dies in a multi-car accident. Accident barely avoided. Get back to Nana and Papaw's. Play. Eat. Dessert. Ride the big wheel. Play croquet. Knock Sara's ball out of the way (oops!) Drive home watching Barbie DVD. Argue. Stop arguing. Laugh and sing. Bedtime. American Idol. "Father Ted". Bed.

Things eternal.

If God and people are the only things that are eternal, what does that mean for today? How does that impact my choices? My way of thinking? My actions? My reactions?

In prayer for the haze...

I am experiencing a "holy frustration" with the thought of moving discipleship forward in Northern Ireland. There is still a rampant busy-ness that throws everything into haze... The work seems clear and yet is covered with a thick fog rolling in off of the sea. Pray for the believers in Northern Ireland. Groan for the lost people there to be touched by the reality of the love of God through His people.

Speak comfort, Lord.

Nothing to say or be said
Seeing sadness which cannot be comforted
Easily or quickly.
God, You hold tight
You lift up and strengthen
You speak a divine love
To envelop the pierced heart
In your Holy and Pure embrace

Ready to fight.

I bounded out of bed at 3:30 this morning, fists raised, ready to fight. Good news. I didn't have to. It was just the mini trampoline that was leaning against the wall. It had fallen over for no good reason. The adrenaline kept me up for about another hour and a half. Fun, fun.

homoios

Interesting line of thought today: "The Theological Dictionary of the New Testament" says that the word homoios used in Matthew 22:39 means that loving people is literally "equal to" the importance of loving God. What exactly are the implications of that reading of the text? Does it mean that I can't truly love God without actively loving people? Or does it mean that love for God ultimately shows in our love for people? I'm not sure yet. I guess for now, I'll err on the simple side of Christ who tied the two together in practice and perfection. The urgency of this question for me comes when I read about the separation of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25:31-46. Christ tells us that the final judgement will not be based on how we acted toward God, but in how we treated people. So, instead of ranking love for God versus love for people, maybe it's best to pursue both with equal intensity? Let's see how it lives out. I'll keep you posted.

I'm firing myself. Again.

Ever notice the tendency to start trying to manage everything? It happens at work. It happens in life. I noticed that it's crept back into me recently - that way of thinking that sucks the joy right out of everyday life. So, I'm firing myself. Again. I'm not in charge any more.

Good questions...

What do I love to do?
What do I have to do?

Retreating

So. Back at the annual staff retreat this week. It's always a cool time to learn, spend time with people, and hear from God. We swam across the pond again, but it didn't quite compare with last year (See post entitled "I'm gonna die" from last May.) Mark Scott taught on staying close to the narratives of the Cross and the empty tomb in order to stay relevant as we pursue ministry. It was a bit odd for me due to the fact that several staff members that I am closer to weren't there this year. That made the retreat fell a bit disconnected for me relationally. I tend to resonate more with deeper, quality time one-on-one with people. But still, it was good to be a part of this body as we worshipped, learned, and laughed together.

How does it creep in?

It's gotten really, really busy since I returned from Northern Ireland. It's like I'm running from one thing to the next without much in the way of a pause. I go to bed late, get up early, and sometimes can't even find the time to relax and just read for a few minutes. I don't know what the deal is... How does it all creep in and stack up on us? You'd think being busy was a value for us. Funny - I've been trying lately to help others see the busy nature of their lives, schedules, and ministries. I need to take some of my own advice or something. Back off. Unplug. Remember you're not the messiah - the answer to everyone's need. Do what you're uniquely designed to do. Be. Just be. And breathe...